"He Will Bring Us Goodness and Light"

Here it comes again. With work, I am in and out of malls and department stores every day...every week. It is hard to avoid the Christmas decorations (put up in October) and the Christmas music. Hickory Farms is set up and selling the "beefstick" and cheese balls. Santa has taken his place in center court. Toy catlogues fill the mailbox.

I have not really been able to stomach holidays since Beth's death. She added so much to any day, but especially Christmas...for me. Beth would have me driving around Wake County on the prowl for cedar and spruce so she could make our wreath and garland for the door and mantle. So talented. So missed.

I have made a decision this year. I am going to embrace Christmas...the whole season. I mean EMBRACE...not just "suffer through" it like the past two years. Beth did bring a lot of joy to the holidays for me. I have to celebrate and remember that. I also have to enjoy the holidays again...in a different way. I have so many great memories of Christmas growing up and after marrying my sweet Beth. Those memories cannot be duplicated, but I can make new ones...with Beth still always in my heart.

Tomorrow, I am going to see David Phelps' Christmas concert in Fayetteville with some friends. I really am excited about it. I love David Phelps and the voice God doubly blessed him with. Mainly, I love being with the wonderful friends God has blessed me with...Mary Ann, Dean, Ruby, Cindy, and Jake. I am going to discover Christmas again. I will embrace it...in a new way.

I still watch all of the shows Beth loved..."Survivor", "Amazing Race", and "The Bold and The Beautiful". It helps me feel connected to her. I imagine that embracing Christmas will do the same.

Joy To The World.

I'm Challenging You

That's right. I'm calling you out. I'm only doing it because I myself have been "called out" and I want (need) some participants in this dialogue. I love to read, but lately I have been gravitating to the same kind of books I usually read. I had received a 50% coupon from Barnes & Noble (my favorite bookstore) and was itching...itching, I say...to use it. By the way, Barnes & Noble has a very extensive collection of Christian Inspiration/Religion books and Bibles...better in my opinion than Family Christian and especially better than Lifeway.

Back to B & N. I decided to get something different to read, and I found a book titled, "Jim and Casper Go To Church". The sub-heading is "A believer, an atheist, an unlikely friendship...frank conversations about faith, churches, and well-meaning Christians." From the back cover: "In 2006, Jim Henderson, veteran Christian and director of Off The Map, hired Casper to join him in visiting twelve of America's best- and least-known churches. Week after week, this spiritual odd couple attended services at churches all over the country and documented their experiences at and reactions to each one."

I don't want to give you all of my reactions to this book because I would like to have dialogue about your findings. My challenge to you is to go get this book...only $16.99 and only 169 pages. Read what they have to say about their visits to some of the nations largest churches...Saddleback, Willow Creek, Lakewood, The Potter's House, and others. Read with an open mind, and then post your reactions here on the blog. I'll just say that I read this in one day, and it kept my mind awake all night!

I'll leave you with a "teaser" from George Barna's foreward:

"Consider the fact that few religious leaders or churches have any idea what it's like for an outsider to try to break into the holy huddle. Most churched people have been so immersed in the church world that they have completely lost touch with what it is like to come through the church door and try to fit into a place that has very distinct habits, language, goals, events, titles, architecture, traditions, expectations, and measurements."

I want to hear what you think.

Are We Reaching?

Been a while, I know. There are just those pesky things in life (like jobs, housecleaning) that get in the way of me being able to do what I really want! OK. I can't really blame it on housecleaning...job...yes, but not housecleaning. If you've been to my house lately, well...

OK, I need to focus.

EXCELLENCE! RELEVANCE! These are two of the banners we have hanging from the ceiling in our atrium at Hope. It's what we stand for, but more importantly, it's what God has called us to stand for. There is sometimes so much criticism about a church like ours. You know the argument...loud music (drums, guitars), casual dress, coffee shops, etc. I just don't get it.

I love the fact that there are so many different types of churches and services out there because there are so many different types of people out there. Makes sense to me. God is a God of Excellence. He does ALL things well, and we represent God here on this Earth. Why is it necessary to check your love of good music and your sense of humor at the door when you go to church? We're teaching the same message; it is not diluted in any way.

The days of cookies and Kool-Aid have passed us by. In fact, I would venture to say that never really did speak to kids. I remember growing up in Southern Baptist churches, and for the most part, they were great. You learned the Bible and you fellowshipped (a great Baptist word!) with other Christians. There just never seemed to be a lot of relevance. Churches today are challenged more than ever on how to reach the hurting world that is right around them.

People want to know God is there and that He truly is about love. I love that Hope is so sensitive to that. The services this past Saturday and Sunday were amazing examples of that. We had our 4th Annual Volunteer Fair and it was intense! (check out Mary Ann's blog to read about it - you can find a link on the right of this page). We started a new series called "Full Service In A Self Service World". The stage set was incredible. Bob made a "Goober'sGas -N-Go" station with an old gas pump and tires. We had a vintage car outside with an attendant wiping down the windows and "checking the oil". Awesome! The drama was funny and the actors were top-notch as always. The band's opener was the "Devil Went Down To Georgia"with "Hope-related" lyrics! Melissa Taylor tore up the place with her violin. I'd put her toe to toe with Charlie Daniels any day!

All stuff that is outside the norm for sure. To be relevant, you do NOT have to do these things as a church. I do think you have to really look and see that you are being relevant and excellent in the way God called YOUR church to be. We are different, but we all should be excellent and relevant. We represent the Almighty God.

Check out www.stevenfurtick.com as soon as possible. Steven is Pastor of Elevation Church in Charlotte, the nation's third fastest growing church. Read his "Bless Back Project" entry. It will blow you away and it is absolutely some unconventional stuff for a church to do. They are growing because they are meeting needs and showing the love of God in a way that today's world gets. Same message...different method.

Ready To Rumble

Growing all the time...or in all honesty...trying to grow. As God works in each of us, we are transformed from glory to glory. It doesn't come in big leaps, and I know it is a miracle for me that growth even comes in small baby steps in my life.

I have been struggling lately with my love walk. I have no problem loving the people that love me. I have no problem loving the people who, by my standards, act right and play by the rules. I stumble (more like fall flat on my face) when the Holy Spirit gives me that "nudge" and tells me that I also must love the "unlovely".

I have been really tempted lately to let the former Russ emerge and set some things straight. There are a few folks from my parents' former church that I think are much deserving of a good-old "right hand of Christian fellowship"! It pains me to see what has happened there and how the enemy has set up shop. In that church, God has been replaced with a thirst for power, manipulation, and strife. Check out Psalm 140 and you'll get an idea.

I am still on the mailing list to receive their newsletter; and every time I see it in my mailbox, I cringe. My first inclination is to send the newsletter back to them with a fiery diatribe reflecting just what I think of what they have done to my mom. Then that pesky growth thing shows up again.

God reminds me that the battle belongs to Him. He tells me that He can actually handle it on His own. My job is to pray for them; not hate them. Imagine.

He says that He is the Vindicator. He is sovreign. My job is to not only pray for them, not only to not hate them...but to LOVE them! What? I have always been willing to fight, fight, fight for what I believe in. I would always fight against injustice. I would fight to prove a point...my point. God tells me to fight with love.

1 Corinthians 5:1&2 says "Therefore be imitators of God [copy Him and follow His example], as well-beloved children [imitate their father]. AND WALK IN LOVE as Christ loved us and gave Himself up for us, a slain offering and sacrifice to God."

Conviction with a capital "C".

It's not easy to sit and watch...waiting. I used to think that was being passive. Now, if I am watching and waiting in prayer and in love...well, I think that is the most aggresive warfare available.

Life

Wow! The green velvet "holiday" dress was always one of Beth's favorites, and I always loved seeing her in it. That dress looked good on its own, but my wife gave it LIFE!

I discovered this picture of us at her company's Christmas party in 2004...just two months before her death. The thing is this...I wasn't looking through pictures. I came across a file on the computer that Beth had and I accidentally opened it. It was a picture file of lots of photos from this Christmas party.

That memory jolt sent me spiraling. I discovered it Monday night, and have not really slept since. It's all part of grieving; it's natural, I know. The "unexpected waves" such as this are the toughest for me.

I want part of this blog to be about my journey since Beth's death. It helps me to share my thoughts and memories of her, but I believe it can help us all learn. I do talk a lot about her, and I talk a lot about losing her because it is a huge part of who I am, where I am, and my life experience.

My emotions Monday were really just right there at the surface...ready to rise up and make themselves visible! I had been praying for Lisa Austin (see previous post), and visiting her carepages website. This in turn prompted me to look at the CaringBridge website that my sister had established while Beth was in the hospital. Just reading the updates and prayers made it seem in "real time" all over again. I'm glad that site is still up so I can read it..it was just different this week.

See...reminders are always there.

A house full of memories...but not able to make new ones with Beth.

Lingering medical bills...but not a healthy Beth alive today.

Lots of pictures...but memories only...not Beth.

Those reminders I get "accustomed" to having around as part of my daily life. Through the strength I find in Christ, I can work through those. It's the "new discoveries" that wreck me.

It's the birthday card she gave me...which I saved...which I recently found in a drawer.

It's her eyeglasses I put away after she died...which I came across recently.

It's the memory of her in that beautiful green velvet dress.

I don't mean to be a "downer". It's life. Not every day is so bad. I have wonderful days, too; and I know I will have many ahead of me. Maybe sharing this helps me. Maybe sharing this will help you know me better. Maybe sharing this will help us all understand how to help others in similar circumstances.

Just had to share.

Praying4LisaAustin

I have never had the privilege of meeting Lisa Austin, and it has been years since I have seen her husband, Bobby; but I wanted to send a request out to you all to be praying for them. Lisa was diagnosed about three weeks ago with breast cancer. Please take the time to visit www.carepages.com to read what has been going on in their journey to this point. Her page name is: lisaausinjourney. Bobby inadvertently left out the "t" in their last name. Once on the page, you can read updates, see photos of their family, and leave a message for them.

Bobby and I were born just hours apart in Prebyterian Hospital in Charlotte. Our fathers even worked for the same company! Even though Bobby and I never kept in touch, our families have been connected literally my entire life.

It was Bobby's father, Bob, who was the first one with me at the hospital when Beth suffered her heart attack. My dad had called him to let him know what had happened and that it would take them (Mom and Dad) several hours to make it to Cary. I think Bob got to the hospital before we did in the ambulance!

He sat with me in the emergency room and in the waiting room, and he prayed and prayed and consoled and comforted me, and then he would pray some more. I will NEVER forget that. I have no idea what I would have done without his calming presence there by my side.

So now we surround this family in the midst of this storm. They are no strangers to a battle. Bobby fought leukemia as a young boy. The battle indeed belongs to the Lord.

So, I implore you to pray for this family. I know you will.

Bobby included this in one of his posts on the site:

He referenced Isaiah 43, and wrote "May our gracious Lord be glorified as we walk the steps He has set before us. We know that He walks them as well."

Amen.

Wanting Something I Already Have

I love God's patience. Obvioulsy, God has many, many characteristics, but I always lean so heavily on His patience with me! As I grow (from glory to glory) in my life with Christ, the Holy Spirit works to transform me...plucking and pruning and fine-tuning all along the way.

I so enjoy and thrive in my prayer life with God, but He is always there reminding me to "come up higher". The Holy Spirit will "nudge" me...sometimes gently...sometimes not so gently. Patience will reign, and then I need a good "kick".

Now I don't subscribe to any set "rules" or outlines in my prayers. It is just as God leads me. Sometimes, the prayers are lengthy, sometimes they are brief; and sometimes the prayer consists of a few groans, "ugggh's", and "Father...Help Me's"! I just pray until we are done!

Lately, God has really been teaching me to be mindful of the words I use when I speak with Him. Let me explain:

I can get caught up in praying, "God, give me your peace" or "God, be with me". God has very boldly spoken to my heart, and said..."Why don't you pray that you will BE AWARE of my peace and BE AWARE that I am ALWAYS with you!"

1 John 4:15 > "Anyone who confesses (acknowledges, owns) that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides (lives, makes His home) in him and he (abides, lives, makes his home) in God."

God lives in ME. I had been praying for peace that was already mine.

God lives in ME. I had been praying for God to be with me when He is ALWAYS with me.

God lives in ME. I had been praying for things that I already have through the power of Christ who LIVES IN ME!

Holy Spirit Conviction in my life. I am not trying to establish some "word police" on prayers. This was truth for Russ, and I just wanted to share that with you.